


Abstract Sounds

by utsukushihigeki2



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Friendship, Gore, M/M, Pain, Psychological, Psychological Horror, Psychological Torture, Struggle, flesh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/utsukushihigeki2/pseuds/utsukushihigeki2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An altered ending of chapter 143 where Kaneki is captured by CCG and jailed in Kokuria.  Nagachika Hideyoshi-who is unharmed by him in their encounter in the sewers-meets his one and only best friend, leading to a greater bond in their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Ghoul. All rights belong to Ishida-sensei. Sorry for typo errors if ever present.
> 
>  
> 
> **Extra notes at the end

_Drip, drip, drip._

_That sound...It’s my blood, isn't it?_

    “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” I scream in pain as the ghoul investigators kept me stable in my seat and the other extracted out a piece of kagune achingly slow. The sound of chains rattling, my blood dripping and my hoarse breathing resonated in my jail cell...in Cochlea, the ghoul detention centre of CCG. The only scent I could smell was the blood that spilled out of me which is all over the floor; I want to go home, I want to return to Anteiku but perhaps, it may not even be there anymore. The raid at Anteiku by CCG happened so long ago and I was captured by Arima and brought to this living hell where I've been restrained.It happened-how many days ago? Five? A week? Probably a month? I didn't know because with my blindness, I couldn't tell the passing of time although Cochlea too is dark and somehow felt as if it was beneath the Earth. Well, it’s a fitting place for someone like me. 

  _Someone like me?_

_Who am I exactly?_

_Who?_

I breathe heavily as the ghoul investigator restraining my arms let go and his other friend packed up. The sound of metal objects colliding with one another, making high-pitched sounds , also echoing in the room. A memory flashes.

   I’ve seen this ...Before, this happened...In Aogiri’s headquarters when I was tortured by Yamori and a heavy change had influenced me. When I decided not to be the one hurt, but the one hurting- _to protect my friends._

   “We’re done.” The ghoul investigator says, opening the door and both of them leaving. Another set of footsteps enter the room. I tilt my head painstakingly carefully in order to hear better. I only saw darkness, however, my other senses heightened due to that.

    “Oi, Kaneki! Why the down face?~ That ain't like you, man, smile a bit.” Warm fingers pinch my two cheeks and stretches them to make me look like I’m smiling. Like I enjoy this. Instantly, I turn my head away and lower my head even more. Is that Hide? Is it? It’s been so long since I've heard any of my friends’ voices; if it is really Hide, then the voice that just spoke to me was honey to the tip of my tongue. I just couldn't see the person’s expression.

    “You know, I feel really sad for you, Kaneki... You've been living a tragedy so long and each moment gets worse every time. As if the day you were born, this terrible fate had been sealed-your father’s death, your mother overworking, turning into a ghoul and being tortured.. _.Where was I at that time?_ ” Shuffling sound of clothes and I’m guessing he sat on the floor where the blood was. He didn't mind it, I didn't speak a word, I just kept on listening to what he has to say.

    “I was always there for you, Kaneki; it’s just that you didn't tell me, that you never spoke or contacted me. Sometimes, I felt like I was truly alone, alone in the dark. Maybe that’s how you experienced it when you were turned into a ghoul...” He chuckles softly with a hint of sorrow embedded in it. “If you told me, would the present now be different? Would the future change if I was there to help? Would it?” He pauses for a moment. “...I’m sorry, Kaneki.” The man stands up, walks up to my dirty and bloodied self-my weak self, and hugs me. I gasp.

  _It is Hide. It really is him._ Hot tears flow out of my absent eyes and sobs escape from my mouth. I softly lean back at his touch and softly say hoarsely, “I’m so sorry...I’m sorry, sorry, sorry.”

  _I think even if I've changed so much and that this world is so fucked-up; Hide, my best friend since childhood, was always there and that when I’m with him, I feel like nothing has really changed._

“We’ll get out of here somehow. _Y’know, together._ ” I can picture him grinning cheerfully like always and that alone gives me a little hope in such dark times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Starvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without Hide, his bestfriend and only moral support, is it possible for him to restrain himself from tempting and painful thoughts? Can he resist the ghoul hunger that carves out his alternate personality?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if this is late, but I'm really busy! Anyways, I was able to finish this with my headaches pounding my head so I hope this'll be good. Also, another side note: If you CANNOT handle vivid descriptions of gore and cannibalism or at the least easily influenced through writing, DO NOT continue reading this chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul. All rights belong to Ishida-sensei.

  _Eat. Eat. I want to eat._

_I’m hungry._

_Please feed me._

_Eat...Eat...Eat...Starving...I am... starving._

  Time flies even in my mind. What time is it? I don’t know. Where am I again? In Cochlea-the prison for ghouls. What happened to me? I was captured by Arima and the other ghoul investigators then used as an experimental subject. Not that I care anymore... _Do I?_

    A growl erupts from the pit of my stomach and it gnaws on my stomach’s walls. Craving for meat. The red flesh humans were made of flashed in my mind and I immediately react by screaming at the top of my lungs. “No, no, no, no, no! I don’t want to! I don’t, I don’t want to....No...I-I d-don’t want it..” Tears flow down once again; this must’ve been the hundredth time that I've cried in this miserable prison.

  _You’re weak._

_I’m not._

I could hear the footsteps of the other ghoul investigators and scientists walking outside the jail cells as they chatter about the different ghouls that are imprisoned inside. The screams and wails of the other ghouls were faintly heard. Here in Cochlea, in order to keep their valuable subjects for information or experimentation, they would feed the ghouls pieces of human flesh gotten from dead corpses so they wouldn't go insane or die from starvation. It was a dark secret kept from the public, Hide told me.

    But they didn't feed me. Why? Because I was a Rank SS ghoul. I was considered potentially dangerous, but it wasn't my fault...Not mine. No, it was their fault! They tried to hurt my friends yet, yet, I failed them. I was captured by CCG and I lost them. I lost them.

  _It’s still your fault._

 The door creaks as it is swung wide open by someone from CCG most likely. Footsteps ring in my ears as it echoes throughout the room; the person attempted to make his footsteps soft as possible, but it ends up to be suspenseful and terrifying instead. “How are you, Kaneki-san?”

   My body freezes. It was Arima, _Kishou Arima_. I bit my lips till a drop of blood oozed out of my lower lip.

“I was worried you would die during the extractions.” His voice was soft, but the words cut like razors on tender flesh. “Your kagune will turn into a fine quinque. I’m not yet sure who to pass it over to since Amon died unfortunately during the fray.”

   Amon died? He’s dead?! “I...”

   “Hm?”

   “I-I...killed someone? I killed Amon?!” My mind couldn’t embrace this revelation. All this time, what I’ve been living for...Is it that my humanity, my sanity, my last real piece of the true me was lost in that sewage? I’ve lost it to my ghoulish desires? A louder growl erupts from my stomach, and the hunger gnaws with more desperation.

   “Are you hungry? We’re supposed to give you food, but I know that if we do, you have the chance to break out.” I sniff in his direction, taking in his lovely smell...It smells like mother’s home cooking... Eat. I want to eat.

   Eat.

   EAT. 

    I do somehow remember hearing Arima talk more yet none of it registered in my head; I was so hungry that I felt like it was taking over me. Drool ran down my mouth, I began to make gurgling noises and screams. Apart from that, I can’t seem to remember what happened next. 

   Blood splatters everywhere, and I see it splash across my face as both ghouls and humans are slaughtered ruthlessly by each other; I scream and attempt to help them, but my body was frozen. It was stuck onto the solid ground, and no matter what I do, I’m still glued down to earth. All of my friends are slaughtered one by one, guts and blood spill out of their husks like water out of a faucet. The crimson liquid spreading across the floor slowly, and it gets soaked into the scars of my feet. Suddenly, my past self appears before me with a smile. He didn't wear an eye patch\- this was _me_. The _real me_.

  " Don’t lose me. Don’t lose _you_. It’s okay, we’ll get through somehow.”He says with not a single worry or sense of angst in his voice. Instead of me crying, it was him that cried. The small tears began to flow down his cheeks while the other me slowly fades away like mist in the cold mountains. 

   I regain consciousness and see nothing but darkness once again. _A dream?_ I thought. _It probably was._ I feel the cold steel floor against my face. I try to move my arms, but it appears to still be restrained, its steel biting my skin and leaving rashes and sores which didn’t heal fast unlike before. I felt the hunger still gnawing at my stomach. So nothing morbid happened while I passed out... I thought with relief. I feel that no one is currently in my jail cell, and that without meat in my stomach, I would go crazy. It was a good thing-no one would be _hurt_. 

   Hours pass...

   My whole body trembles from pain, and my mind feels like it’s crumbling slowly along with my sanity. 

_Creak._ The door swings open once again. I sniff the air, and it smells so tasty that I can taste the delicious smell of a human’s meat. The blood dripping, his flesh being teared right off the bone while it is so juicy and... _No!_ I immediately scold myself for almost slipping into temptation. I can’t eat human meat. I can’t. If I did...If I did... Wouldn't that betray Hide...and my morals...

_    But you need to live...If you died, he would be devastated so you need to eat. It’s the only string that will keep you breathing.  _

_    No! _

__ _Eat. You’re hungry. Don’t miss this chance._ I hear the man’s footsteps turn towards the door without a word, and my mind makes a decision in a split second. _I’ll eat._ With the last ounce of strength I had left, I tried to stand up even while my hands were strained and though the heavy metal chair weighed upon my back like boulders. Finally I was up on my feet and dashed towards the man , knocking him with chair on my back. He stumbles backward, I hear a thump and immediately, jumped on him like a rabid beast on the loose; and he trembles throughout his body. I could hear his short breaths that were indulged in terror and fear in the next predictable move I would do. I leaned down with drool forming down my chin, I inched close to his shoulder then bit him. My teeth sinking into his flesh, fresh lukewarm blood oozes out spreading across my taste buds, filling me with energy. The man gasps, and with the new energy I gained, I bite down even harder into the tight and packed muscles on his shoulder. _He must be a ghoul investigator yet he forgot his quinque...How stupid._ More blood spills out of his torn flesh and as starved as I am, I rip the fleshy muscle out of his body, slurping it up and swallowing. I lick my lips in great delight.  

   Power runs through my entire body. The man seems to stay silent. He probably passed out in fear. I ignored that and continued to devour on my prey with no shame. With more strength, my left eye starts to regenerate and I began to see the bloodied body in front of me. My right eye heals along with left slowly and my entire vision returns. Looking down, the ghoul investigator has indeed passed out, and I hear my stomach grumble for more meat; without hesitation, I lean down and eat the rest of his flesh. 

    I am strong enough now so I easily break my restraints, and the chair falls off along with it. It makes a loud sound, but it was muffled by the other screams in other cells. 

   " _Free_... _I'm_ free... Hah... He..Haha...Fufu..FUFUFUFU~" I bagan to laugh like a madman on the loose, but I seemed to forget that I really am the  _madman_. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Fukkō

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter!~ ugh I feel like this chapter was written badly :( so if it ever is, GOMEN. *starts kowtowing* Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it and I'm also sorry for typo errors or grammar errors if ever. I'll try to update it every week (maybe weekends?) :3  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul. All rights belong to Ishida-sensei.

    The sirens began to wail in my ears as I step out of my jail cell, leaving the corpse behind me. Scientists and ghoul investigators began to run back to the ground floor, and placed Cochlea under code red. I blink furiously with the bright red lights blinding me after what felt like years of darkness;quickly, I begin to move.

   I run around, looking for the stairway or an elevator to bring me to the upper floors; the other imprisoned ghouls seems to have sensed me,thus, screaming in pain, begging me to free them. But _I won’t_. After two rounds of going around, I see an emergency staircase to my left. I grin eagerly and run up the stairs as fast as my breath could take me. The steel walls, the blinding red lights, the screams of ghouls while the sirens were wailing vexed me. I pass an emergency map of Cochlea, and I stop. I take a look at it, plotting out my escape route. It turns out that I am on the 3rd floor and long staircases kept each of the floors apart. Cochlea is separated by floors depending on the ghoul’s danger level. From low-rank to SSS rank. I was marked on the SS rank, and they all were placed on the 3rd floor. After fairly memorizing the floor map, I continue on my escape.

    Suddenly, two ghoul investigators block my way. There aren't any familiar faces.

   “Stop right there, Centipede.” One of them says.

    I glare at them with murderous looks. The other investigator draws out his quinque. My eyes softened and realised I couldn’t run away from these investigators.I willingly show them that I give up, and they both approach me without hesitation; and as they were hand-cuffing me, I break out of their grip, doing a round house kick to the investigator at my right and a strong left hook punch at the other one. Both are knocked down. I sprint up the stairs once again. The atmosphere is cold as I run, and the staircase is empty and silent; so silent it scared myself. It felt like the moments when Yamori left me alone in his play room in order for my toes to regenerate. I shake off the thought, threw it into the back of my head, and looked straight ahead.

   Arriving on the 1st and last floor of the hellish jail, I stop before the exit door to the main lobby of Cochlea. _It was way too easy getting up here...Are they luring me into a trap?_ A light buzzing noise resounds in my ears. I gaze at the walls, there lay an air vent. It appears too big enough for me to fit and wasn’t too high either. To avoid collision with more investigators, I climb my way inside the vent before another 3 investigators burst from the door. I close the vent quietly and crawl my way out.

    It turns out that the vent led to the back of Cochlea. It was a tight-spaced alley, a little dim and it reeked of gas and garbage. I get down to the ground, and I peeked outside. There were a lot of people, and the wailing sirens inside Cochlea weren’t audible outside which helped maintain civil order in case there are breakouts. I couldn’t just go out into the open since investigators might spot me and bring me back to the cell. I look back at the dim alley while squinting, and in the corner of my eye, I spot a bag of abandoned clothes. I walk over to it and scan through them. There are shirts and pants that could replace my filthy prison clothes and a jacket that could also hide my face. “It’s perfect!” I mutter under my breath.

    I walk out into the open with black jeans, a white shirt, mildly torn-up sneakers, and a simple gray jacket. The street had very little people, and the stores looked pretty normal to me. In fact, it looked like another regular day.

    I keep walking ahead, dividing the sea of people, the current that goes the opposite way. _Apparently, I’m in the 23rd Ward. How do I get back to the 20th Ward with no money?_ I anxiously think despite my calm expression. _I’ll have to think this through...But first, I have to find a place to rest._

  The sun had begun to set when I found an inhabited and abandoned building in the dark, dim, and suspiciously-looking side of the 23rd Ward. “I’m tired...” I sigh, taking off my hood. The building has dust all over the floor, the fragile ceilings stay silent as ever and threatens to break at any moment. The walls are vandalised with colourful graffiti, and the windows are broken, its shards scattered all over the cold concrete floor. The whole building was silent and dark just like the cell in Cochlea, it made every sound echo.

 

    Only noticing now, I didn’t feel hungry anymore from the delicious meat- _Stop! That wasn’t good! It was...It was...Murder._ The thought of it makes me want to puke. I could feel vomit rising up in my throat, but I push it back down.

  _You enjoyed your meal, didn’t you? Don’t deny it._

    _Shut up. I never made that decision!_

    _You did._ The other voice cooed softly in my head. I grip my white hair, pulling it and cover my ears.

    _Shut up. Shut up. I didn’t eat him. I didn’t._ In my head, flashes of crimson liquid spreading on the floor, the sound of tearing flesh, its texture on my fingers appear...”No...I swear I didn’t...”I curl up into a ball, hugging myself tightly while tears gently flow down. The sound of my silent sobs seem louder in my ears, and it irritates me. It just does. “Please _forgive_ me, Hide.” 

   And I fall asleep.

  _“What’s 1000 minus 7?”_

  _“Yes, it never occurred to you...That I am a ghoul!”_ My vision turns red.

   “AAAAAAAAAAAARGGHHHH!” I hear screams and sobs. “I have to fight...I need to.”

    _“Good luck, Delusion-boy!”_ Make it stop. The smell of delicious burgers fill my nose then it slowly turns into a rotting flesh-like scent. I feel like puking.

  _ **“Kaneki Ken.”**_

 _“He is, Ainu...”_ My breath seems ice cold. _“He perishes,/The summer’s day/ The white sunlight, unabushi/Ends simply though his breath alone./Autumn...”_

   A hot rod stabs at the back of my head, melting my eyes, burning it. The pain triples through my head. **It hurts, it hurts,it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.**

  I wake up, cold sweat covers my skin. It’s just another dream, I carelessly think. Sunlight peers through the broken windows, its rays bouncing off the floor and unto the wall. The plants growing out of the cracks glitter in the light. It was rather eesome*.

   I stand up, brushing off the dust off my pants. Today, I had to get money somehow, and I need to change my appearance slightly so I won’t be recognized publicly. Wiping off my sweat, I go through the back door and walk into the streets.

   As I was mindlessly walking among the crowds of people, a stranger suddenly pulls me to a dark alley. All of his clothes were black, and I couldn't see his face very well.

    “Time to die, buddy.” He says, and a kagune sprouts from his back. _A ghoul? A koukaku?_ It branches out of his shoulder in the form of a Sabre and points it at my face. My body then reacts to the situation before I could even think; I immediately dodge his kagune, swooping behind him as I grab his right arm, twisting it terribly hard. 

   “Nnngh!” The stranger mutters in pain. My other arm goes into his pockets, feeling for a wallet. Something leathery touches my fingertips. _Bingo._ I pull it out, checking the amount of cash inside. There was ¥10,000. It was perfect. I put it into my back pocket and released his arm.

    “I won’t hurt you,” I whisper into his ear. “But if you touch me again, I’ll pull all your organs out and make sure you regret ever targeting me.~”

   His body shivers in response. “Y-yes, sir!”

   “And don’t look at me until I’ve left.” I walk away with a grin plastered on my face, happy for the cash in my pocket. _Now, next stop._

   In front of me as of the moment is a hair salon and I stroll inside.

   “Welcome!” The lady in the counter says, smiling. The salon smelled of nail polish, shampoo, and soap. “What service would you like, sir?”

   “I’ll have my hair dyed black, please.” I smile sweetly back at her, pointing at my white hair. “Of course!” She leads to me a chair and talks to a hair dresser. The hair dresser goes to me, and she starts the process. After it was done, I asked them to trim my hair which had grown over time. It was cut shorter than before the time I had Rize’s transplanted kakuhou. The shorter, the better. No one would immediately know that I’m Kaneki. I pay the lady at the counter, and head to a shopping center to buy a new set of clothes. I bought a new shirt and a plain jacket then proceeded to changing into it.

   With my new look and new clothes, I take the train back to the 20th Ward. On the way back, I gazed outside the window at the buildings and cars, or even trees that the train zoomed pass by. _I wonder what happened to Anteiku...And my friends..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eesome (adj) meaning "pleasing to the eye"


	4. Rebirth

    I was walking through a path of flowers. A path of delightful and aromatic spider lily flowers, their red petals dyed the ground crimson red- a single shade of blood red- its scent lured me to a dead end. Confusion overwhelmed me, and when I closed my eyes, taking in the smell, I opened them once again. And all around me were dead bodies. Both ghouls and investigators.

    Something grabbed my ankle.

    I gaze down, petrified. A lifeless body was clinging to me, and I immediately recognized the face. It was Amon’s.

    “Ah!” My eyes bolt open, only to see commuters staring at me weirdly. I realize that I was still on the train, on my way back to the 20th Ward. Embarrassment flushed onto my cheeks, making them pink, I stand up and say, “Excuse me for my noise.” I bow down politely then sat down again. Taking a glance outside, the train was nearing the 20th Ward already so I stood up once again and went near the train doors.

    I got off five minutes later. The train station was filled with people of different ilks; they were hurrying to work, class, or to hang outs with their friends. It hasn't changed ever since. I briskly walk my way out of the station, trying not to attract attention to myself. My first stop would be Anteiku to see if it was still there or if CCG tore it down once their operation was finished. Maybe I would also get the chance to see how much time had passed; besides, I haven’t checked what the date was today.

    The sounds of car engines, people talking, motorcycles, the train zooming through its rail tracks filled my ears; the sounds created a certain melody in my ears. As I was walking, thoughts entered my head. I wondered how Hide is, did he find out that I escaped? That I broke his promise of escaping together? I wonder if he was devastated, if he was mad, if he was happy, or if he didn't care at all and shrugged it off.

    Now, I was nearing Anteiku. The leaves fell gently on the ground as the wind blew softly at it, awakening the trees’ senses. My shoes rubbed against the hard cement as I headed towards the cafe; it made a noisy and vexing sound like I was dragging my shoes in worry of the worst case scenario. I had never lifted my head to observe my surroundings;even when other people passed me, I could sense their glares and stares pressing at my body that has gone limp from angst. Two more steps then I would know whether the cafe itself had survived or if they had torn it down to rubble to build another shop. At last, gazing down at my sneakers, fear washes over me. The fear of the truth, the fear of the outcome, the fear of what couldn’t be returned: the good old days. Hesitantly lifting my head, I avert my eyes unconsciously, but I force my will to bring them back to what I’m supposed to see.

   What I see is neither the homey-looking coffee cafe with a sign “Anteiku” in its own font by the staircase leading to its entrance nor a lot filled with a crumbled building littered with trash in the minuscule corners, but a newly constructed building-probably furnished inside- its walls newly painted, smelling of paint thinner. The sharp smell made my nose hurt a little yet aside from that, the appearance of it overall shocked me although it somehow didn't. It was as expected. Obviously it was inevitable, the probability of it occurring has a ninety-five percent chance.

    “Y’know, this place used to have a good ol’ cafe with splendidly brewed coffee. A few months ago, they tore it apart then they built a new building and converted it to a book store as you can see now before your eyes.” A man beside me says calmly.

   “Why did they tear it down?” I ask though the answer was already clear in my head. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, inhaling in the toxic tobacco smoke then exhaling it out. The smoke rises, dancing with its own self until it faded into the atmosphere. “Oh, the place was managed by ghouls.”

     “O-oh! That’s scary, huh...”

   “Yeah, I guess they could’ve tricked you and turned you to their food. Well, I gotta go now.” The man turns away, tipping his hat at me as a sign of goodbye and left without looking back. Although I knew the truth now and even if it was obvious as clear water, it burdened my aching heart. I knew that it was my fault. It’s the only truth that is truly real.

   That all the events point to the destruction of my precious place of belonging.

    _Either way, your friends were going to die at some point, Kaneki.~_ The voice in my head whispers slyly once again, giving me a dull pain. I feign ignorance, and I let my feet take me wherever it could take me.

    Even after escaping Cochlea, I knew deep down in my soul that there wouldn't impunity; eventually, a pernicious tragedy will follow each footstep I take, every move I make, it will haunt me until I drop dead. I knew this fact very well and not only will it stalk me, but also my friends that I dearly love. I only wanted to have a date with Rize at first, but the devil wanted a dance with me.

    _A dance with tragedy._

I never desired to be a ghoul; I only wished to date this pretty girl I saw in cafe, and the fact that she read my favorite author thrilled me more...No. Fate had said no to that desire. It had turned it down and scoffed at the idea perhaps...

    Waist-deep in my thoughts, a stranger bumped into me, pushing incredibly hard. He was wearing a hoodie so I couldn't see his face very well. “Hey, watch it, loser!” He said. I thought I heard it in a higher pitch except I might be just hallucinating or something of the like. I mutter an apology back at him and rush quickly past him to avoid an unnecessary fiasco.

   At this point, I didn't know where to go. I’m not sure if my landlady would keep my apartment if I haven’t paid its rent in so long even though she is a kind old lady. It’s a slim chance, but I’ll never know unless I try.

    I arrive at the apartment, an old gray building but not-so sketchy looking one. There are multiple units in the building, and people could rent one while it is managed by the landlady. I bought myself an apartment when I went to college. I had moved out of my Aunt’s apartment since they didn't want me there, and also because I didn't want them to be burdened with the fees of my education and stay there.

    An old lady stood by her door, sweeping when I approached to enter the apartment’s vicinity. She looked up at me and said, “Hello, are you looking for something?”

   “Yes, um, I used to rent an apartment here, but I had to unexpectedly leave without notice...So,um, if I can still rent it though I haven’t paid rent yet...” I was so nervous speaking to her I feel like going down on my knees, but I seal those feelings away well

    “Oh! It’s you, the kind college boy!” She smiles sweetly back at me as she recalls me. “That’s no problem. Just pay it when you have the money, okay, sweetie? I have a spare key for your apartment.” She hands me a newly made spare key, its edges rather sharp. “I was wondering when you were coming back so I shut down the electricity in your apartment to avoid high electric bills.”

    “Thank you very much!” I bow respectfully at her, showing my full gratitude. She waves her hand back humbly and retreats back to sweeping

    I run up the stairs, unlock the door, and turn on the power. Everything is the same as I left it. The books sat on the shelves, lightly collecting dust, the bed’s sheets spotless and had no crease. The edges of my television already has a layer of gray dust, and when I checked my refrigerator and food cabinets, the coffee has been left untouched.

   A detail catches my eye.

    I look at my stocks of coffee, and I detect a low stock of coffee jars when I counted. Before I ‘disappeared’, I had ten jars of coffee, but now I have only five left. “Someone is here...?” The words slip from my mouth. Wait. Actually, isn't my apartment too neat? I was never an extremely tidy person, therefore, this situation is rather improbable?

    A toilet flush echoes from the bathroom. I freeze. With the door creaking as it swings open, a sketchy and punk-looking man steps out, scratching the back of his head and muttering words to himself. Once he spots my frozen self, he staggers backwards, bumping the back of his head on the bathroom door and made a loud thump sound. I gasp and step backwards, edging myself away from him. The stranger regains his footing and when he lifts his head to gaze at me, there’s a murderous glint in his eyes; the pupils turn blood red in a second while his snow white sclera on both eyes turn dark as the night. It’s his kakugan then that means a ghoul is actually the one living here.

    “Why, you little punk-!” He growls and tail-like kagune sprouts from the lowest portion on his back at the end of his spine. It shimmers purple and red as it hardens like a blade, threatening to stab me.

    “A g-ghoul?!” I stutter to show nervousness and fear so he could think that I’m weak. Translucent drools of saliva drips down his mouth like a rabid animal that hasn’t eaten for days, and without hesitation, he charges towards me. Adrenaline takes a hold of my body, sharpening my mind. I change into battle stance, the kakugan on my left eye activates; and it was my opponent’s turn to appear stunned by the sudden shift of odds in the battle,nonetheless, he continued to move forward. “Let’s just finish this quickly.” I say with an eager ear-to-ear grin then urge my kagune to come out.

    To my surprise, the man clicks his tongue and smiles. “Too bad.” And aims a direct punch at my stomach, the pain vibrating throughout my whole body, shaking my innards as a sharp pain shoots up my head. I wince and furrow my brow in pain; it felt like ten or more newly sharpened ice picks pierced through my guts. I closed my eyes and try to make the feeling go away yet it clings to me, and I’m thrown across the room, hitting the book shelves. Another strong pain hits my back. I spit a mouthful of blood out of my mouth, coughing it up. What, how did he...? My head was in an array of confusion, working out every possibility of how he could’ve seen an opening to punch me first.

    And then it struck me. Hard. The realization made me feel awfully dizzy. My kagune didn't come out at all. 

 

 

 

 


	5. Adaptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEEEY GAIS I BET YOU'RE ALL MAD AT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO UPDATE IN 2 WEEKS. GOMENASAI! HONTOU NI GOMENASAI (T.T) *starts kowtowing again* Like before, I'm really busy now with school and at this time, I get a lot of projects so don't expect me to update every week, but I try my best to make up time for it either way. I also might not update for next week since I'll be drafting for the TG Exchange Event in Tumblr. So I made an extra-special chapter for you all and thanks so much for the 1000+ hits! It really makes me happy that people like it :D SO ENJOY (and sorry for typo-errors if ever present)!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul. All rights belong to Ishida-sensei.

   The man looms over me, his wide grin mocking at my face. I needed my kagune to escape right now. This instant. _How did this happen? How? HOW?!_ Then I recall my fresh memories in Cochlea. The investigators were extracting my kagune, did they take everything away from me? My transplanted kakuhou? The man now sharpens his kagune, preparing to take my life as I blink furiously at him. Once again, I feel a nostalgic emotion. It runs throughout my whole body, shaking me, reminding of the past. Right now, after what seemed like ages, I actually feel afraid again.

   "You looked like a strong ghoul for a moment, but I suppose this is your real self. A weakling.” He pulls back his arm and it jolts straight at me. Suddenly, my body moves on its own, dodging it cleanly and I go between his arms, turn to face his back, and kick it. The man gets his head slammed against the concrete wall. He groans in pain, and knowing I've become too useless to pick out this fight, I run out the door while I have the chance.

    I rush into the street, blending with the currents of all kinds of people. My heart pounds and beats relentlessly; it feels like it’s going to hop right out of my chest. I take in deep breaths and try to calm myself down. Now that there’s someone in my apartment, my kagune won’t activate, I really didn’t know where else to go. I have no clue where the rest of my friends have gone or if they even survived the raid by CCG. Going to Aogiri Tree would be risky since I had a past with them. Neither are their goals any of my interests. The sky turned into a midnight blue, stars blink faintly as if slowly losing its essence of life. I stop for a second and gaze upwards. I closed them for a moment, and in my head, everything I’ve gone through plays. My mother’s death, my stay at my Aunt’s house and how I slowly was ignored by them, how she threatened to throw away my books once, the date with Rize; the transition into the ghoul world and meeting Hinami, being tricked by Tsukiyama, being captured by Aogiri, the torture I endured...All of them replay into my head over and over. I needed to fix my situation, but any possibility is risky.

  _No. There is still one place I could return to._

 After an hour’s walk, I reach the place where I belong. Although its lights have been shut off, and its street more or less isolated. I sit on the bench while staring at the building. _Anteiku,_ I thought. _This is where I belong._ It didn’t matter if no one was there, it didn’t matter if I don’t smell the aromatic coffee, it didn’t matter that I don’t see any of my friends here...Yet here, I feel at ease. My eyelids began to feel heavy. All of the sudden, I realize how tired I am in reality so I gave in to my sleepiness. My vision fading away.

   Beyond my drowsiness, I feel something rub against my back. It wasn’t the weird rubbing, but more like a soothing rub. My body isn’t against a cold wooden bench, but it’s on something soft and warm. I could feel that someone is sitting next to me, his breath feels warm against my ear. It’s comforting after these past few days and after what has happened. My mind forgot about my troubles. I didn’t even want to bother knowing who this warm person was. Finally, I felt peaceful.

    My eyes flutter open, my vision a bit blurry and foggy. I look around and surprisingly, I see white walls, a study table by the door with text books stacked on the side. There’s also a closet nearby, and a garbage bin. _Seems like someone lives here...Wait. Why am I even here? Wasn’t I in front of..._ I jump up--from what seemed like a bed--frantically and in fear of who has kidnapped me. I try my best to be silent as I tiptoe out of the bedroom when someone yelled.

    “I see you’re up, huh!” With panic-engulfed eyes, I trip on nothing, falling on my bottom. A figure walks towards me. His smoothed out orange hair glints against the fluorescent light of the apartment’s hallway. He wears a simple outfit, a cotton shirt with trousers. There is a certain spark in his chestnut brown eyes. I’m not sure what it is, but it didn’t give me angst or fear. It looked mesmerizing, capturing my attention fully. He kneels and smirks at me. “Heya.”

    I couldn’t recognize this person. He’s being so casual with me as if we are friends. _Friends?_

“Don’t remember me?” He pauses with a thinking expression then chuckles. “Well, that’s expected since you lost your vision for quite a while.”

   “Hide!” I throw my arms at him, embracing him tightly. He also returns the hug. “H-how did you find me?”

   “Who do you think you’re talking to, huh?! Of course, I would know. I’m your best pal,” Hide stands up and lends me a hand which I grab to help me get up. “Let’s talk in the kitchen. By the way, great to see you have eyes again!” He slaps me hard in the back rather unexpectedly

   He put two coffee mugs on a tiny table and pours coffee in both mugs. The aromatic smell wafts through the air. Hide pulls up a chair for me, and he sits on the opposite side of the table. I sit on the chair and take a sip from the mug. The taste is rather bland, but I drink a little more anyway.

    “Sorry, I only use instant coffee. Anteiku was the only place where the coffee tasted really great.” He smiles at me, his voice slightly lingering.

    “No, it’s fine...” I reply. There’s a dead air between us. Maybe because I escaped. Or betrayed him. I wonder if he’s mad or if he has forgiven me.

    “Y’know...When I first heard that you escaped, I thought that it was for the best. The investigators were frantic for days until now even. I hear the higher-ups scolded them for letting a ghoul like you escape. I got a big feeling they would suspect me for creating the gap for you to break out. Luckily, the higher-ups cleared off that possibility since I wasn’t present at Cochlea anymore.” He fiddles with the rim of his mug, hardly taking a sip. “I didn’t expect you to cut your hair that short. I predicted that you were going to make some changes in appearance, but how you got the money to do that is tricky to figure out.”

    I force my voice to come out. It quivers. “W-what happened to Touka-chan,Yoshimura-san,and the others?”

   “I don’t know. Pretty much, that’s classified information. I don’t really work in the position to know that. Just doing errands and all that tiring stuff.”

   "Do you enjoy it?"

   “Actually, yeah...I like figuring out and solving these sort of things...” His eyes turn away from mine.

   “I see.” We hold our mouths for a while. Thinking things through, the information I had just taken in. I wonder if I could stay here long, however, it would endanger Hide. I don’t want that. He could be found out, labeled as a traitor, and all these worst case scenarios form in my head.

    “Aogiri Tree isn't active now either. Ghouls still kill people, and investigators still hunt them down. There are not a lot of changes. It’s something you can easily catch up with in no time!” Hide gets up from his chair and walks to another room. He returns with a paper bag in his arms and places it on the table. “Open it!” He says eagerly.

    My fingers with dark black nails reach for the brown paper bag’s rough edges; it skims through my fingertips. I feel hesitant to peer in what’s inside nevertheless I pull the bag towards me and take a quick peek.

   Inside were newly bought books encased in its plastic wrapping. In awe, I reach for one of them and feel every inch of it. Tears swell up in my eyes. “H-Hide...I can’t say...I- I haven’t read or felt a book in ages...”

    He laughs back at me. I flip the book onto its cover, and I notice it was by Haruki Murakami as well as the other books. They were the novels I planned to buy soon. I never told Hide about these books yet how did he exactly...? As if reading my mind, he says. “While you were imprisoned, I visited your apartment. I was looking over at your personal belongings so I could move some over here. There was this list on your study table that said ‘Books To Buy’ and I thought it’d be a good idea to surprise you if I got ‘em if you ever escaped, and well, look, here you are.”

 

       Warm tears flow down out of excessive joy and fulfillment. I sob with a smile, the tears dripping on the book’s plastic. “Thanks so much!” He walks over to me, and ruffles my pure white hair.

    “It’s okay. You should rest.” He pulls me up, carrying the bag of books, and leads me back into the room where I woke up. He helps me sit on the soft mattress, and he steps out of the room. “Wait, no!” I call out to him. He looks back at me with a puzzled look. My cheeks flush at the thought of what I was going to say. “Um, can you stay and sleep with me tonight...The past few days, I’ve experienced loneliness and desperation so if you could...” Red flashes in my face.

    “Sure.” Hide turns off the lights and closes the door. Darkness swallows Hide and me. I wait for him to touch me, to let me know that he’s still there and not the terrible memories in my head that often visit me while I’m dreaming. His fingertips brush across my arm, and relief washes over me. “Shhh...” He says, pushing me gently onto the bed. “Just close your eyes and sleep, Kaneki.” I do as he says, and I feel his arms embrace me. His warm exhales breathing down my neck, and his touch reminds me that he’s there for me always. **_Always._**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6 Preview: Wave #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO YO YO YO~! SORRY GUYS I JUST AM SO BUSY LIKE REALLY. Since it's Christmas season--the most busy time at school-- and I can't write a full chapter until vacation starts and when I finish my TKG exchange fic (yes I'm trash) I PRESENT TO YOU ALL A PREVIEW (More of a prelude) OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. (It's written in third POV but the real thing will still be in Kaneki bb's POV) PLEASE ENJOY AND MWAHAHAHAHAH xD 
> 
> I do not own Tokyo Ghoul. All rights belong to Ishida-sensei.

   Throughout the still silence of the null night, the investigators slept peacefully without a thought of bother on the their mind. It is only one ghoul investigator that hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. And he doesn’t intend on getting on this special night. _No, not tonight._ He tightened the gloves he wore, pulling the fabric over his hands and fixed his coat then prepared to get his quinque.

    “Centipede, huh...He’s an SS-rated ghoul according to the data they gave me.” He mutters to himself, his eyes look over the sheets of paper scattered around his desk. “His name is... Kaneki Ken?”

   He takes his quinque and stretched his arms, the bones cracking a little. The young investigator looks around his vast apartment and shifts his gaze into the city’s bright lights. His phone rings. “Hai. This is Rank 1 ghoul investigator, Sasaki Haise. I’m on my way to Centipede’s home.”

   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, IF YOU ARE SURPRISED OR ANYTHING (and read Tokyo Ghoul:re to understand who Sasaki is), an AU here is that Kaneki and Sasaki will be two entirely different persons. So Sasaki is not Kaneki and the other way around. :D


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